poIntLesS dIscuSsiOns

… 1 more day till the end of year 2007. What have I actually done? Well a lot actually…

1. Got my ass kicked both as a waitress and a clerk…
2. Got rejected by all local Universities in this country.
3. Got into a course I didn’t really want, but was forced to anyway.
4. Enrolled myself in two awesome clubs.
5. Pissing my parents off from March till now.
6. Gotten myself a baka hentai, ecchi, perverted, tactless, shameless, useless (or so he claims), but nevertheless AWESOME boyfriend.
7. Lost the most important chapter of my life - my friends.

I’m having exams tomorrow… (since technically, it’s 30th Dec now), and yet I can absorb nothing at all. Lately my thoughts were rather disturbed.

I know I’ve done a terrible thing to them whom I’ve called friends by publishing a previous post of mine (which I’ve removed, btw), and much as I wanted to, I can’t turn back time. I know it’s a lame excuse, but I was pretty much emotionally-stressed lately, and I dunno, I sorta snapped and went berserk. I said things I never should’ve said, and *poof*. 8 years of friendship gone with the wind.

Yesterday, out of courtesy for this friend who just got back from Australia, I agreed to go out with "them" for the whole night. Things were pretty much as I expected them to be, but dreading it nonetheless. The atmosphere was tense. 2 of them weren’t talking to me, and the few that did were pretty much forcing themselves to. Well I’m not complaining, since I brought these unto myself. But… I dunno. It could’ve been just myself unable to face them or talk to them, which gives me the illusion they’re cold-shouldering me.

I think this was my first time I’ve actually talked so little, felt so awkward, and spaced out so much in any outing at all with "them". Many times I wanted to laugh, wanted to tease, wanted to facepalm, but I didn’t. I think it’s just my foolish pride stubborness.

The car-trip back was a rather silent one. Since my brilliant dad conveniently grabbed my car for servicing, I had to hitch-hike. I wanted to go home so badly, but I know I had to stick it through.

I received an envelope right before lee left. I broke down immediately after opening it. Out fell a note and two pictures. Two pictures of the seven of us (Tippy included), taken at my house, a few days after the very much belated birthdays of a few of us.

I don’t wanna lose them. I don’t wanna lose them. I don’t wanna lose them.

Last Regrets

I won’t say "Thank you,"
I’ll always keep it inside.
Goodbyes aren’t gloomy.
After a dream, I will quietly step off.

The fragments that rain into my hands,
I will always hold close
The strength to be smiling until the end;
that, I have already known.

Good morning; awakening is
blindingly bright sadness.
I cannot let you say goodbye,
our weakness was good to have been.

The gentleness that overflowed in us,
let be reflected, like flowers, like love.
The quietness of low clouds waiting for the winds…
I can no longer hear it.

The fragments that rain into my hands,
I will always hold close 
The strength to be smiling until the end;
that, I have already known.

I won’t cry anymore, I won’t cry…

This is dedicated to those who were my friends. I’m truly sorry for what I’ve done (more like what I’ve wrote), but… like you said, apologies don’t work anymore. So whatever it is, I will accept it.

Take care, and I hope to meet you all again in the next life.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 29th, 2007 at 9:44 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.